I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
