Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
