i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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