I smell stomach acid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
