I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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