I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize