her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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