my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
