If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize