I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
