I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
