i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They took my balls.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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