and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
