Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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