she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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