i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
