So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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