i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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