its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
