I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
