i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
