He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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