I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
