Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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