I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
