A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
