Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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