Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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