is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
