I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
