As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
