If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize