we're blogging at a bar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
