I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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