Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
