We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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