a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
