i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
