just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
