I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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