I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
