dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize