I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
