You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
