i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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