mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
