its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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