I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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