Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
honey bunches of taint.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
