from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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