Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
