why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
