I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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