About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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