so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
