why didn't you poke me back
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
