for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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