When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
