ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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