Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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