Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
