Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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