The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
