it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize