Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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