Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
