they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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