Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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