wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
