OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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