im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
