what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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