hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
