In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
