he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
