maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
