Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize