Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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