You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
