Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
