I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
