I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
