Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
