fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
