He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
