maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
NoShamevember. You game?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The air taste purple.
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