I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize