so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
