i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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