I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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