I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
