Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
