Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
