So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
