I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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