a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
