i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ketchup is God's man juice
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just pee around me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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