I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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