Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
