I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize