We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
