I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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