More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
