I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
