My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
