so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
