Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's Friday. Sex?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
