Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
