So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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